she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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