I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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