You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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