It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
