How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
