I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize