so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize