One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
