I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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