I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
