She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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