At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
