If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
