4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
be right there i have to get my cape
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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