The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
zippers are such a cool invention
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
