but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm always down for nudity.
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