i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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