toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
