Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
