he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
