can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
