o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bring me that man meat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
