Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how drunk are you?
Several
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
