everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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