chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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