i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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