____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
