in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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