If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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