i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
