Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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