I accidentally had phone sex last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
