Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
