You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
