I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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