"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
