Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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