Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
