we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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