Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
dude. I can hear the air.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize