just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize