We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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