I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
