he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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