clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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