you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
