Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
