i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
