final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
