That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've blown a few things in my day
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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