Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize