my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize