When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
