Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
