I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
