My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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