I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
