sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
