I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
