I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
