Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
