If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
