just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
