mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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