I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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