God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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