If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
