hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
