You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
