**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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