Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
