he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
