do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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