Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
