I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
