so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
