One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize