just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
