I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize