before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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