He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
