so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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