I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
