woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
