my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize