How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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