In the future we'll all be gay
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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