And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize