i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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