All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
