Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize