I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
