my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
try to milk me bitch
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