My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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