My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
